This, that, and the other thing.

It's been pretty long couple of weeks in our house. The kids are doing okay, hubby is booking jobs (finally) and I'm busy with my spring cleaning. But I haven't been quite this exhausted in some time...or this sore. My back is KILLING me lately. This stupid disc... I have a feeling it's never going to get better. It's been a year and a half already, so I think odds are good it'll stay this way. As long as it doesn't get worse, I guess I shouldn't complain!

Hayley is TEETHING. She's drooling, her nose is running, she's fussy, and she's awake all hours of the night. Those of you who talk to me often know, Hayley has been my good little sleeper from the day she was born. None of this waking-up-ever-two-hours business. Of course, when babies, teeth, they cease to be themselves and become something...well, demonic. I love my little stinker, but she's wearing me right down.

Hannah on the other hand, is being exceptionally good for a change. This could be a result of my attempting to spend more time with her and less time doting on the baby. I'm sure she appreciates the extra affection. It's amazing what we can allow ourselves to do when we're not paying attention. Poor Hannah went from being the center of attention to basically being excluded because all my energy was focused on Hayley. Some of you may think this is normal, but I don't think it's particularly fair. Hannah deserves my love too, and she's almost five, so if she doesn't get it, it's not like she's going to forget. Hayley won't remember my ignoring her while she plays in the johnny jump-up to play with big sis instead. But Hannah will notice me parking her in front of the tv to play with Hayley on the floor. SO.. I'm managing to find a way to spend plenty of time with both my girls so I don't miss out on precious moments with either of them!

As for other departments in my life... My mother-in-law is starting chemo in 5 days. Thankfully, the scan earlier this wek revealed that the damn cancer is contained to just the one area. We were afraid it wouldn't be because they took the biopsy from her lymph nodes, and once it hits the lymph nodes it can spread like wild fire. So we were prepared for the worst, and really got the best news we could possibly imagine. It's still going to be a long three months, but thank God, the odds are on our side. I can't help but feel like this has to do with my submitting that prayer request at church last weekend. Geez, God... you sure do work fast!

My sister is moving back down to this area of the state (after doing a stint in the UP) and I am TRULY excited for that. I miss her so much, and I'll actually be able to see her more often than just a couple times a year. Which...is.....AWESOME! My sister and I are like... pickles and chocolate. Two totally different yet wonderful things that can coexist fantastically given the right situation. Meaning... bitch+bitch=sisterly love.

I was supposed to have another familial visitor this week...not surprising THAT didn't work out. My oldest brother, Matt, whom I haven't seen in two years, wa sin my area-ish this week. Of course, he came down with "strep throat" at the last minute. It's sad really... I'm so used to this type of disappointment from him I wasn't even really upset. What do you think that means? I mean, he's never seen our house, he's never met Hayley, and Hannah has NO clue who he is. If he's trying to dissect himself from our family, he's done a pretty damn good job of it. Which is fine... There's not a whole lot of room in my life for THAT much drama, anyway.

But, I digress.

My feet are freezing and Hannah is hungry for some lunch, so I'm heading upstairs. Ciao, ya'll.

"America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask." - Leno

"Free" Republic?

You've all probably been privy to the recent news stories about the conservative blogger Mike Vanderboegh encouraging all conservatives to break windows to make ourselves heard (http://sipseystreetirregulars.blogspot.com/2010/03/to-all-modern-sons-of-liberty-this-is.html). If not, definitely go read it, but make sure you visit the rest of his blog as well. You will see that this is a man who means well, truly considers himself a patriot. I find it difficult to agree with his actions though. You all know I consider myself a Constitutionalist. I believe in what the founders wanted this country to be. I'm not happy with the current state of our country, and have not bee for quite some time. I sincerely dislike the antics of President Obama and his cabinet. Nancy Pelosi's smile reminds me of something that was carved on a pumpkin two Halloweens ago and is still rotting away on the porch (oh, AND I don't trust her at ALL). I find it very difficult, however, to commit acts of violence as a result of those beliefs. Freedom of speech does NOT cover broken windows and death threats, folks. And, as I told Mr. Vanderboegh, the media will make this look like a two-year-old throwing a tantrum because mommy told him to do something he didn't want to do. What happens? He throws his toy across the room and breaks it, resulting in a timeout. Does mommy change her mind? Nope. She just gets annoyed. These people who are breaking windows will get a timeout (in jail) and then conservatives will once again be made to look like crazy, war-mongering idiots. PLEASE stop adding fuel to their fire, folks. All you're doing is alienating would-be allies, liberals who are beginning to realize their "savior" may not be all he's cracked up to be. When we break windows, the liberal media and politicians alike sigh and give a collective tsk-tsk. It doesn't change things, and doesn't attract the type of attention you're looking for. Try to find something more creative and symbolic, and slightly LESS violent. The survival of the party, as well as the country, requires us to learn how to play fair. Speak! Write! March! DON'T throw violent tantrums and break things. It's counterproductive.

Freedom - true, honest to God, righteous freedom - allows us a shield when our opponents attack. It makes us feel safe from terror. It provides for us a platform to say, "I do NOT agree... I condemn!" It does NOT make it okay to strike fear into the hearts of our brothers. It does NOT allow us to take other people's right to feel safe from terror. It does NOT allow for threats to congressmen's families, or to cut a gas line on some one's house, or to break out windows. If you truly believe we are free men, you must live like free men. And free men protect the freedom of their fellow country men, whether they agree with them or not.

And for those of you calling for a civil war, consider what that would mean. In old times, it was North vs. South. This will not be so cleanly divided. It will be state against state, city against city, brother against brother. Your neighbor could become your enemy. Are you prepared to end his life? This is America. What makes us strong is our ability to stand together, one solid force against those who would have us fall. I can almost guarantee Al Qaeda is watching the news and smiling... waiting... knowing what will come. And when we are at our weakest, when we're in the middle of combat with our friends, our family, they will strike, and they will win. And if they don't, it won't matter, because the discord among us will tear the country to pieces.

Yes, this is a sad day for America, indeed.

Some things require more courage than I really have in me.

Two years ago, my mother in law was diagnosed with breast cancer. She had to have a mastectomy and was still undergoing a series of reconstructive surgeries when my wedding rolled around in May. A few months later, she was cleared..."cancer-free" they said, with no chemo or radiation required. Her doctor said that she needed to come in every six months for checkups to make sure the cancer didn't come back. After a year of being cancer free, the insurance company refused to grant a pre-auth for a visit every six months, and said they'd only pay for an appointment with the oncologist once per year. So rather than going for her checkup six months ago, she waited like they told her to. Last week, they had to take a biopsy of a lump in the same side she had the breast removed from before. The result came back positive yesterday...it's cancer again. Now she must undergo chemo, radiation and another surgery all surrounding the marriage of her only daughter, taking place in an entirely different state no less. And apparently they could have caught it six months ago, and it would have been over by now, if the stupid insurance company hadn't done what they did. But instead, she's going to be wearing a wig to the wedding, and having surgery right after the wedding.

We found out last night, and when my husband told me, I was fighting....no, wrestling in a hand-to-hand combat style, to not burst into tears. It's his mother, after all, not mine; and I need to be strong for my husband. I need to be there to support him, and get him through his anger and disbelief so he can be there for his mom. But... but. I haven't exactly had my fair share of close relationships with mother-figures in my life. Those of you who know me well know that's true. So the extent of the closeness I feel to my mother in law is amplified quite a bit by the fact that she's been filling this gap in me for a long time now...you know, the gap that exists when one doesn't have a mother to turn to. I gab to her about everything and I love spending time with her. Her and I have gotten really close over the last three years. So it would be like losing my own mother if we lost her. And I'm terrified.

I suppose I've been terrified... Ever since they cleared her, I've been waiting for the backlash. She skated through so easily the first time...no chemo, no radiation...just the surgery. When I say "just", I mean compared to what some people deal with it's not bad. I don't mean that having your breat removed and going through a series of painful reconstructive surgeries is no biggie. I mean, we all kind of got off easy. And now, I don't know what we're in for. I don't know how to be there for her the right way, and I'm scared to find out the extent of the cancer's spread (we should know this by the end of the week, after they do an MRI and xray). And I've just always known it would come back. In the back of my mind, I always knew.

I've most always been pretty brave. Not in a "I'm not afraid of the dark" sort of way, but like "I can hold any weight squarly on my shoulders and still give my kid sis a piggy back ride" sort of way. There have been a couple exceptions... I had my moments after my brother passed away. But mostly, I can take it. But this is something I'm afraid I'm not prepared for...something I may not be able to be strong through. god never gives us more than we can handle, and I know that. But how can I put on a strong facade when inside I'm freaking out? I know I need to...for her, for my husband, for the girls, for our family... But right now, I'm having difficulty holding it together.

The uncertainty is pretty scary. Not knowing what to expect makes it hard... As I said before, she didn't have to do this last time. But... here I am praying very hard that my mom-in-law can not only beat cancer once again, but kick the living shit out of it. And prayer is a VERY powerful thing... Amen.