Suddenly... Revelation.

Revelation #1: Hannah was born on April 26th, 2005. As of a week from Monday, that will have been five years ago. FIVE years. It seems impossible. It truly hit me the other day for the first time... My husband and I have made it through the impossible, scary, unpredictable first five years of parenthood. Granted, it's all unpredictable and scary until you've experienced it for the first time, but still... the idea that had us so panicked and utterly terrified in 2004 when we found out we were *gasp* pregnant was that we didn't have a clue what we were doing. And yet, we survived, she survived...we made it. Hayley's infancy doesn't seem anywhere near as scary as Hannah's because Hannah prepared us well. With Hannah, we were diving blindly into the unknown. Who knew a baby could cry profusely, or vomit so many ounces (hell, GALLONS) in an hour? Who knew a baby could hit her head so hard and NOT suffer a concussion? We could never have guessed how messy poop could really be, or that it could be so red when there was no blood in it. It would have never occurred to me that a human could survive on so little sleep without going completely and utterly insane. She taught us what it meant to be exhausted and worn out, but more-so, how truly truly terrified we could be. She did a great job preparing us for our second time around! And all the bumps and bruises, all the middle-of-the-night fevers, all the potty accidents... They've all led up to this day, this very special birthday. It's the end of being babied and the beginning of a new chapter in life... the chapter in which she will make lasting friendships, learn important new skills, go off to school, get interested in sports... It's exciting, and yet I find myself right back where I was five years ago: terrified. Will she do well in school and be successful at forming friendships? Will she be pressured to say and do things she shouldn't? Did I prepare her well enough? Is the scariest experience yet to come, or does it max out at a newborn baby having an allergic reaction to formula that causes constant vomiting for four hours straight? There are so many questions racing through my mind, but c'est la vie, right? They don't get answered until they happen...or don't happen. Whichever the case may be. I can't wait to see the amazing little lady she will become, regardless of how freaked out I am about everything else.

Another revelation hit me as I was pulling up some weeds the other day... We survived our first country winter. We didn't get snowed in for a week, we weren't without power for days, and somehow we managed not wind up in a four-foot ditch! Of course, this was a mild winter to say the least. But still... the idea is exciting! Winter was our biggest concern moving out here, and yet we made it through just fine! And now, my favorite time of the year is almost here, and we can really enjoy our property in a way we can't do when the world is frozen. Bonfires and camp outs, sunsets and wildlife... I love our home!

One final revelation: I am not going to lose this baby weight by wishing it off. I've been doing that for some time now, and I've decided to shelve my love for food in the name of skinny jeans. It's high-time I squeezed these love handles back into a size seven, and cinnamon rolls and french fries are NOT going to make that happen. So as of today, I'm back on the wagon. Who knows how long it will last, but as of right now, my conviction is AIR TIGHT!

"In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back." (Charlie Brown)